Campaign Against Political Correctness

So what happened? Well, I was on my travels to visit some relatives. I stopped at well known chained coffee house, placed my order and this is how the conversation went.

ME: "I would like a black coffee please" WAITER: "no sir, you mean coffee without milk" ME: "that's right a black coffee" WAITER: Sir, I'm afraid your language is not acceptable and I cannot serve you" ME: "Why?" WAITER: "the term black is offensive and is considered racist here" ME: "I am not racist, I just want a coffee" Waiter: "sorry, but these are the rules - you must ask for coffee without milk".

So you get the picture. I did get my coffee in the end, but not after feeling I had been accused of racism and genuinely was made to feel pretty bad. The experience left an unpleasant taste in the mouth and inspired me to do some research. I came across a website called ‘Campaign against political correctness' www.capc.co.uk people are encouraged to write in with their own experiences, the owner of the website for permission to print a few, and here they are:

1. I was in a pub in Devon and the place was packed and busy - everyone was having a great time. Then someone started to tell a joke about two Irish men. It was so funny I was laughing so much that tears were running down my face. Then I noticed people looking at me with stern stoney faces. I still couldn't stop laughing when a man came up to me and told me off in his London accent for (in his words) making fun of Irish people. I stood up and looked him straight in the face and, in my Irish accent, told him and others it would be better if they never come to Ireland with their misery to depress us as well. I am Irish. Born and bred. I am glad my homeland is a long way away from those miserable kill joys!

2. My Church is, as usual, having a Childrens' Holiday Club. The theme this year is Pirates but the handbook from some multi-denominational central unit suggests the helpers do not wear eyepatches or hooks on the ends of their arms in case the 'disabled are offended.'

3. Whilst at the United Kingdom National Military Representative at SHAPE (Supreme Headquarters Allied Powers Europe) at Mons in Belgium I had to quell a revolt by Service parents when the Headmaster of the British Primary school banned the school sports day as it was wrong that children should see that there were winners and losers in life and it would be damaging for a 12 stone 10 year old boy to realise he could not win the 100 metres!

4. When teaching in the Home Counties as a supply teacher from Australia I was told not to mark the children's work with a red pen. When I asked why, I was told, "It is considered too aggressive. I've left a purple one for you."

5. My daughter who attends the John Bentley School in Calne, Wiltshire, told me recently that teachers and students can no longer hold "Brain Storming" sessions for fear of upsetting those suffering from mental problems or epilepsy. Now they must refer to these as "Thought Showers".

6. I overheard a teacher at my College explaining that it is non pc to describe a female actor as an actress - as apparently the first actresses hundreds of years ago were actually prostitutes. How many people know that, and how many actresses care?

7. On July 8th 2005 I decided to fly a British flag from my car due to my heartache and solidarity with the victims of the London bombings. The police pulled me over and told me that it could be considered racist and that I must take it down . Almost in tears I explained I was doing it for the people who were killed by terrorist scumbags. The policeman just said that I had to take it down or he would arrest me for racial incitement.

8. My cousin's school in Manchester displayed three political correct things I thought ridiculous: The song "baa baa black sheep" is now "baa baa happy sheep" as to not show the black sheep as being singled out.

9. We had a display of children's art and crafts at the school I was a governor of which included pictures of people at work with a short description written below. I saw that there were many uncorrected spelling, punctuation and grammatical mistakes and asked one of the teachers (just by the by) why they had not been corrected. "So as not to discourage them", was the reply made in the most caring voice.
Then I came to a picture by a little lad which he had entitled "A fireman". "Fireman" had been crossed out and replaced with "Fire Fighter". So whilst spelling mistakes were OK mistakes of political correctness would never be tolerated! On another occasion I was told by a teacher that she had been reading through a picture story book with her class when she noticed that one little girl was looking at hers in a very cross manner. "What's the matter?", she asked. "Sexist" hissed the little girl (who could not have been over six). The picture apparently showed boys and girls and all the girls were wearing skirts or dresses!

I'm not sure weather to laugh or cry as some are quite unbelievable. Much of it appears to be do-gooders getting offended on behalf of others who generally are not bothered at all. However in some cases I do agree the venerable need to be protected but we are starting go way over the top.

Please do email me toby.landers@hotmail.co.uk or write in to the the cottage Magazine editor. If you have any comments, they will be published.

Toby Landers